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🌈 1057 – Wed 04 Oct 23:44 2023


Woke up early, still recovering from the heavy weekend. Glad to be logging in from home today, had gone in yesterday and the day before yesterday and have already done 2 days of the week quota, and stayed in.. Woke up early but did not go to the gym but logged in work early. Bright, dry, and warm outside, probably around 18 degrees. Work went well, had been working on creating a timeline document in Excel, tried several variants, and watched a few YouTube training videos but still not done, I have until the end of the week to finish it.

Not eaten a lot during the day but sat at the desk most of it, still so much to catch up on, the blogs are empty, the psychology course, and the IT course of work to finish and I keep spending time just thinking, browsing for the new flats, room, studios and most of it lost in the thought world.

Typed the affirmations 15 times around 16:30 and logged off work. Feeling still drained and lack of sleep from the weekend, decided to take a nap at 17:00 for about 30 min alarm but got up at 18:18 looked at the time, and at 18:30 the class was booked at the Husky.. the weather was already dark by then and weather cold.. no matter what I would feel like, I would jump off to make it to the class the other day but for some reason, I was not feeling in a jolly mood.. decided to skip but instead email the tutors, I can’t make it today, will that be possible to attend Sunday and he came back after an hour, yes it is, just tell the tutor which class you were swapping and I was glad.

20:25 I found myself just hanging home and still sitting on the laptop, the tv was on and browsing this and that, and I got a call from mother, whose time was 5 hours ahead than I was. I wondered if it was past midnight, why was she still up and ringing me at this time… I said hello, and she asked If I was home. I said yes. I asked, are you all right? at this time? she said it’s your Gran, she’s in ICU, we’re all heading over there, brother is driving, dad is front chair, sis in law and ll neph will be dropped at her parents and then make their way to see Gran. I was praying everything to be fine.

An hour later around 21:30 sist phoned on the video call to show Gran lying in the bed, looking very beautiful and white, shiny face.. she showed me for a while, the ventilator was still on and she said, we’ll phone after we go home.. a half hour later cousin Tippu phoned they are taking her home.. I said, is Gran feeling any better now? she’s okay to go home? but he said, no I’m afraid, she’s passed on.. no longer there.. then her aunt next to her loudly in distress.. then the emotions rushed in me like anything, I wish I had phoned her when she was in my thoughts the past couple of days. I could not sleep, not stay awake.. all the family was back there at home in pain and I was here alone.