🌈 1348 – Wednesday, 7 May 2025 23:45
London
There’s a piece of paper that has been sitting on my desk for months. It’s filled with notes I once scribbled while reading something meaningful. I can still remember my fifth flat in London, in Elephant and Castle- this paper used to hang on the noticeboard behind my desk for a couple of years. I kept it there as a daily reminder. We all take notes – on scraps, in notebooks, on our phones – but more often than not, they get lost, and with them, the thoughts or insights we wanted to preserve.
But somehow, this pink piece of paper resonated with me. It stayed. Since 2012, it’s been shuffled from drawer to drawer, bag to bag, often buried under other documents. Yet, every time I came across it, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away – not because I knew what to do with it, but because I wasn’t ready to let it go.
Today feels like the day this paper fulfils its purpose – not to preserve just the words, but to share their meaning, to let them reach someone else, perhaps someone who needs them. On its reverse is an old University of Wales, Lampeter assignment receipt, reminding me of my student days, the hustle, the learning, the youth. Maybe its journey isn’t ending but evolving.
Before I share what’s on it, let me pause to say this: I’m truly, truly, truly deeply grateful for this space – this little blog – to express what this paper holds. It deserves to be read, to travel far beyond me.
The story behind the note is hazy, but I recall it came from a nurse in a care home who asked people nearing the end of their lives what they regretted most. These were their five most common regrets:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had let myself be happier.
These are profound. Let’s reflect on them:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me- I try to blend in, wearing the ‘right’ clothes on the ‘right’ days—white or blue on Mondays, nothing too bright. But when my mother asked me to marry, I came out to her. It was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to create a facade or hurt anyone. That moment, choosing honesty over conformity, was the bravest and truest thing that I ever did to myself.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard – This one hits home. Twenties and early thirties have been exhausting, non-stop working, striving, and proving to others and pleasing the whole world to fucked up human life. There’s this fear: if I stop, what happens next? Who will be there? Still, I know I need balance, to work less on what doesn’t matter and focus on what truly does. Take breaks. Be present.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings – On paper, It comes clearly, the words flow one after the other. Thoughts flow freely. But in front of others, the voice falters. It disappears. Why is it so hard to speak when it matters most? front of the same people, I see every day, every week, for months, what still needs to be grown to be able to freely speak in front of anyone, they are just humans too.. I pray for courage, for release from all that holds the voice back. I wish I could speak my truth – clearly, openly, and without fear.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends – This one, I’m actively working on. In 2024 and 2025, I resolved to reconnect with old friends, to rebuild what time had loosened. To everyone I’ve ever met: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. I wish you happiness, always. Our paths crossed for a reason.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier – We humans are often our own worst enemies when it comes to joy. Worry, fear, comparison – they all steal our peace. But underneath it all, there is stillness. Peace is always there. We just have to connect to it.
Today, I’m grateful for:
Grateful for loving, caring parents.
Grateful for Work, friends, and everyone around me.
Grateful to Life – whatever it brings. Bring it on. Show me what you’ve got, and I’ll show you what I’m made of.
What would it take for me and for you to wake up 10 x times bigger, thicker, more energetic, confident, happy, grateful, aligned to goals, wake up early, and fresh, have a good workout in the morning, eat well the whole day, everything to be okay with family, friends and everyone around, then have a relaxing, relaxing, relaxing, yet a productive day tomorrow?
If any of this resonates with you, feel free to subscribe to the monthly Learning Letter below.
Wishing you peace, purpose, and warm love.
Goodnight, good luck!
Ash Khaleem