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🌈 525 – Tue 24 Aug 23:55 2021


Woke up 8:00.. checked my phone I was like I missed 2 of the alarms 5 am and 6 am now was 8 am.. my workmate had already messaged on the team chat. I logged in work straight. checked emails checked work nothing urgent. did not have breakfast until after lunch time after swim.

13:20 swim was booked at the Vauxhall leisure centre, got there sharp. On my way there, I saw man sitting on the pavement with a crutches next to him, he looked a little like a drifter, he looked up and then down and then up and I felt like he was waiting for me to come closer to see me more lol.. I was like, what this guy wants, ok, I will cut through here.. and I cut through in between these parked car and a motor cycle by the side of the road, If i went straight, I would have gone closer to him for, so I cut through to avoide tbh. As soon as he saw me cut through, he put his head down, I felt so guilty. He was probably the first human I encountered today and I wanted to ignore him. I felt so funny!

I walked straight, I take this short shortcut from in between the streets to get there and then have to run across the main road to get to another side of the road to the Vaxuhall centre from my home, I ran across the road, holding my red baseball hat with my hand as it was windly. I got into the centre, there were 2 in the reception, one girl and one boy, girl was one my swim teachers in the past before lockdown at the intermediate swim lessons, now no classes have started yet due to still covid restrictions, I saw them book look at them as I getting in, and when I got in and looked at them, the looked away.. the girls eyes were strain at the doors but gaze not on me, so she doesn’t wanna see a human walking in. I still raised my hand and walked and passed the entry swim system… I ignored I was ignored..

Got into the leisure centre.. took the stairs downstairs, went down opening the door downstairs to get inside, I saw this guy was trying to get outside of the same door, I pulled the right door towards outside, after a second later he pulled his right door towards inside, I still still towards left letting him out, he said in a girly voice, thank you… I walked in changed into the swim clothes, walked up the lockers and was thinking, how could that have happened that I couldn’t control on a single coin. Pound coins seems rare around me, recently the new Tesco at the Kennington Road there were no cash accepting self checkout machines only card payment, anyway, coins seems rare and I was saving one pound coin to use it for the lockers.

UK lockers in the leisure centres or gyms etc works with a pound coin or a coin similar to that.You drop a coin in a hole and get the key out and when you put the key back in and you get the pound back to you. I don’t why they do it, why don’t they just have normal lockers.

Anyway, I had one new pound coin that I was using and I lost it.. then I managed to find one more and used it a couple times and I lost it.. then I found the old pound coin which are not valid anymore, I was happy I found it I was gonna use it, I had it my hand while I was at home and by the time I go the locker to put my clothes I lost it.. so I was just thinking, at one time every penny mattered and now can’t keep a track of a pound. I was feeling so guilty and as I went up to my locker to put the bag in and as soon as I opened the locker there was this pound waiting for me already there.. someone must have left.. I felt gratitude I said thank you., I used it, pulled the key out. went to swim, swam for about 25 min did front crawls, breaststroke, backstrokes, I wish I do some butterfly. What would it take for me to win a championship in butterfly.

So I swam, had a shower and took all my clothes and went to change in a room, I got into the room, I put my bag down there I see another pound waiting for me.. I said thank you. I was waiting for you. so 2 pounds, I lost the old pound yesterday and found 2 new pounds today. I was happy.

Got home straight, back at the desk working from home, thanks to covid. The rest of the afternoon went well.. took a nap after work then got ready and got to the went to attend the beginners moves Mark j’s class at the base studios class, I got there nice, I did intentionally skip his the warms and got here nice and easy just before the main choreography starts, was feeling good.. here I saw this guys on the left, as I looked he was looking straight at me. I was like, what this guys he wants!!.. but he seemed to be doing very well, I was a regular there only missed the last class and he seemed to be doing very very well picking up the steps quicly and doing well, I was surprised so when he saw me looking at me I didn’t mind. but tbh I know this one for many years many many years, I used to see this guy at the Oval gym around 4 or 5 years ago in the mornings, wearing this yellow little vest and grey tiny tiny shorts and working out really really hard all the times and I used to think, I’m honestly going to go to this guy one and day tell him, babe, all you need is.. just rest.. and eat and eat as much as you can. I have seen you workout so much. You need rest and break! it was the same guy i saw today at the dance class..

It was only another guy, him and I only in the classes mostly other girls, after the class when the door was opened, he actually stood by the door waiting for me to come out and he said hey. I thought it was nice. I saw another new bitch a week ago, who eyes were on his head. but this guy, i thought it was nice he said, alright, was this your first class to start the conversation.. We started talking and walking towards the Vauxhall station go, he’s Spanish, lives around and what not. he was completely startled when I said, I saw him several times at the gym and I remember him and he sais, who ME! really! did the thing with his leg and shoulder passively.

We just walked past the Rose bar on the left by the petrol bunk on Royal embankment, and there was this homeless guy right in the middle of the street, with his hand stretched begging for anything I put my had in my jackets pocket and this £2 pound coin came out, earlier when I paid for the class this girl in the reception gave me £11 change in coins.. lol. I smiled as soon as I got that much of metal. I gave that £2 pound coin to that homeless guy the Spanish guy gazed forward to see how much It was when I gave so I had to tell him, the girl gave me many coins and I know I had them with me so I gave to the homeless guy because I was feeling guilty that the Spanish will think why am I giving £2 out. Oh god! free me from all these guilts. I want to leave a free life, I had enough of all these learnings.

Am I a mediator or am I an object?

3 things I’m grateful for today

  • for back inc
  • for parents
  • for the sleep which is coming.
  • what would it take for me and for you to wake up early and sharp and get to the class and then have a relaxing yet productive week and everything in the way of that, Please get removed.
  • Night. Ash