Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually!

🌈 1341 – Thursday, 24 April 2025 22:02

London

It’s already Thursday, the weekend’s almost here. Funny how fast the days slip by — it feels like just yesterday I saw your face, and you said you were proud of me… but I walked away. That Christina Aguilera song’s been looping in my head — not sure why, maybe the lyrics just hit different today.

Just got off the phone with a mate who was rushing to sleep. I’ve got this new lamp on at my desk — a direct beam shining over the screen. Feels like it’s helping me focus. I cleared out some digital distractions earlier, deleted a few profiles I no longer needed. Next up: the desk itself. It’s a mess — loose papers, old reminders, cards, a diary I used to write in daily that now just waits, silently.

That gives me an idea — maybe I should just write about what’s on my desk. Not moving anything, not cleaning it up. Just observing it for what it is and writing about it honestly.

Outside my window, I can hear people laughing, walking by in their evening best. My street’s usually quiet, but tonight it’s buzzing. I really should put more thought into how I dress when I step downstairs. People notice. Maybe I should too.

It’s funny how the mind jumps around — I started off intending to write about my day, then shifted to what’s on my desk, and now I’m watching strangers walk below and wondering about their lives. Earlier, a mate sent me a clip about a woman who named her inner “money mind” — that noisy voice in her head. He’s named his own mind “Benjamin.” Got me thinking… maybe I should name my monkey mind too. What would I call it?

Anyway, back to the desk.

In the far left corner is a little golden lamp, a soft glow it gives. It used to belong to my old flatmate Lisa. She left it behind when she moved out. I started using it, and it’s been with me ever since. Out of all the flatmates I’ve had, she’s one of the few I still call a friend. We caught up last summer — good memories.

Right beneath that lamp is a photo — a huge house with a lush garden, a lake, and ducks waddling around. I find myself staring into it often, imagining what it’d feel like to live there without worrying about bills or time. A place where family and friends could just come and go. Joyful living, without the weight.

Next to it is a tiny book — A to Z of Economics — a gift from my mate Jason when I joined a short course at Oxford’s Continuing Education department. That was years ago. I keep telling myself I’ll read a page each day. Last week I read one. Haven’t touched it since. But it’s still there, like a quiet reminder of unfinished things.

And honestly, that’s how the rest of the table looks — just a mix of intentions and delays. I think I’ll clean one corner a day. Start slow, but start.

I woke up early today, then snoozed the alarm. I’ve been feeling under the weather — was supposed to go into the office but decided to work from home instead. Straight to the desk, trying to push through. Had some invoices to sort. Back home, Mum finished her 7th day of radiation — it’s been tough on her. I’m so grateful for my brother taking care of her while I’m away.

Today feels like a shift — I’ve moved into a new place, and for the first time in a long while, I actually have time for myself. But where’s the motivation gone? Every time I sit down to do the important stuff, I end up doing everything else instead. Classic procrastination.

There’s a girl who sits in the window across from me — always working at her desk. Sometimes it feels like she’s keeping me accountable, like a silent companion in productivity. I wonder if she sees me too. There used to be two girls there. Not sure where the other one went.

I got dressed for the gym in the evening, but after logging off work, I just crashed. Took a nap from 5:40 to 7:30. Woke up to a call from Dad, checking in from back home. Mum was getting her second saline drip. I told him I wasn’t feeling well earlier, but better now. And I was glad I hadn’t gone to the gym — if I had, I might’ve missed that call. And they’d think I was just living my life like nothing’s going on. When really, my heart’s still with them.

Dinner was around 8:20. Still didn’t feel the push to do much after. But I made my way to the study room again. The girl in the window was still there. I used to be the one motivating people around me. Maybe now it’s my turn to be motivated, even by something as simple as that.

Every day is a lesson. This one won’t come back. And if I don’t spend it doing something mindful, I’ll just end up lost in thought. My mind wanders, but I long for that calm — the kind where even my words feel like prayers.

Tomorrow is Friday. I’ve got an appointment around lunch. After that, I’ve promised myself to sit at this desk and finally finish what I’ve been putting off. Day or night. Maybe I’ll go for a run, then come back for Salah and keep going.

First step — clear this desk. Then the room. Then under the kitchen shelf. All the unfinished business. All the promises I made to myself.

So help me God.

Around the world rest how rest of the humans managing their mind –

• Israel and Palestine war – Egypt has proposed a new ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas, aiming for a long-term truce lasting between five to seven years. The proposal seeks to address both parties’ demands and includes provisions for the release of hostages.

• ​Today, Russia launched a massive missile and drone assault on Kyiv, resulting in at least 12 civilian deaths and over 90 injuries—the deadliest attack on the city this year. (The Guardian)

• Google introduced Gemini 2.5 Flash, an upgraded AI model with a “thinking budget” tool that allows developers to control the computational reasoning of the AI, balancing quality, cost, and response latency. ​

Today, I’m grateful for:

• This flat — a quiet space to get work done.

• The calm — no distractions, just space to focus.

• The realisation — that now is the time to get things done.

And I ask — what would it take for you and me to be deeply motivated this weekend? To clear out the clutter in our minds and spaces, to work with love, with joy, and to be surrounded by support, warmth, and good energy?

Let’s find out. Sign-up for monthly letter below!

Goodnight, good luck.

Ash Khaleem