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Never doubt your value

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Too many people have Time for snapchat. But no time for Self check

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🌈 663 – Tue 5 Apr 23:52 2022

London

It’s almost midnight and I need to be up for Sehr tomorrow it’s the 5th Roza (fast) but I don’t feel like going to bed.

Everyday around the same time, I hear some huge noises in our building, I recon the care taker gentleman probably shutting some window and if so, why he needs to shut the corridor windows at this time I’m not too sure tbh, could not be him and some resident just comes home around this time and probably bangs his main door and the God knows what it is but I’ll hopefully figure out a few more days.. In this 3 story huge spacious building Rotheysay Court, literally next to the Oval Tube station a purpose build British block.

Woke up early, around 4:28. I quicky ran to the kitchen and ate a Steak that I left it ready last night and then ate some overnight soaked Chickpeas.. then had 2 glasses of water and did my 4th day of the Ramadhan Fast.. Mother usually messages by then, asking are you up? have you eaten? Good Morning but today there was no message not until 14:30 in the afternoon,.

After Sahr, I did not go back to bed, sat at my desk and worked through until 8:30 pm.. then quicky got ready and went to Vauxhall leisure centre and had a really really really really really good swim session on the fast. I don’t know where this huge triple energy coming from. This is the first time I started working out during the Ramadhan Fast and surprisingly I didn’t even feel that hungry after the workout nor in the late afternoon

10:00 AM I was at my desk, logged in work sharp earlier around 7:45 even before going to the swim. 10:00 AM huddle I was chairing today went very very very well. I was so pleased.

I needed to chair the huddle, so before the huddle, I said, “What would it take for me to come across, happy, grateful, confident and authentic and deliver the best huddle and that’s is exactly what I had delivered. I was so happy and grateful I felt afterwords for the way the meeting went.

The telegraph newsletter was already in my inbox, I read the news and I did not feel good for some time seeing the atrocities in Ukraine by Russian.. Civilian bodies are lying on the streets of Bucha near Kyiv is just unbelievable and unacceptable.

Russia, I beg you from the bottom of my heart. Please stop this. Russians why are you quiet, why don’t you revolt against your rulers. Have you no heart, are you not humans? what is wrong with you guys? shame on your existence as human beings.

What would it take for these last couple months to be erased from the human history!!!

Fuck the sanctions, US, fuck the sanctions, France, Germany and the rest of Europe. this is just unacceptable. Ukrainsisa are human just like you and I.. and they are fighting for nothing they have done wrong!

I stayed at my desk the rest of the day, tired to keep away from news and just working and working and working like a slave for someone else’s goals.. and when I finish work I don’t even have any satisfaction of bringing some value to the worlds and I could do nothing to help Ukraine or anyone else!

Mother phoned around 14:30, brother is making plans to invite everyone one Saudi Arabia for the Eid Ramadhan, I probably will have to make a travel this month. I hope everything will be fine for me to go and come back to England.

Most of the Shanghai, China had gone into the entire lockdown again, this fucked up Covid is also still exists and doesn’t seem to end. You and I are responsible for all of these. Each one of us are responsible for this Covid and the War!

Logged off work sharp around 5:40 pm.. I got ready and went to Tesco’s to the supermarket, I hadn’t been to supermarkets since last Monday, and I had eaten all the food, I went to swim but that’s another direction.

There were quietly a lot of people at the supermarket, everyone’s busy in their worlds, I even saw one of my old pals at the tesco and he seemed weird too, his face felt a bit drooping and he only said, Hey you alright and then walked off.. He was a bit moody person I had known but not too much though. anyway good luck to you my dear friend, I wish you all the best and I release you mentally and spiritually. and I love you so much..

I bought all groceries for the week and got home and it was already 7:30 pm.. Iftar ( breaking fast ) was at 7:48 pm this evening. I was still the kitchen until 8 pm and I broke the fast around 8:10.. When brother in KSA and sister in India were going to bed, they both started chatting to me at the same time, I said, yes my Fast went well today and I’m just about to eat.. they both were going to bed early so they can wake up early for Sehr. I bid farewell and sat down eating and watching TV.. A mate phoned while I was eating, I did not answer the phone, he wanted to come around for chill, I said, I have to eat and get ready for tomorrow’s fast, It will have to be probably after the Ramadhan, I hope he was not in need and i said no.. but I decided to choose myself at that time..

3 things I felt grateful today

• While working and redacting, my head started hurting like hell then I put some classic songs on and started singing alone and I felt so better I was so grateful for some music exists on the planet
• Grateful for parents.
• Grateful for all the food I ate today and safe place to be and the sleep which is now coming!

What would it take for me and for you to wake up one thousand times stronger, happier and richer tomorrow and have relaxing yet productive and easy day tomorrow? and all negative patterns in mind created that doesn’t allow that to happen smoothly please get deleted now!

Good night and good luck you all dumb asses!

Ash..

Apologies for the language, grammer, spellings .. All I want to do is let out and go to bed..!! 

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