🌈 1447 — Wednesday, 7 October 2026, 23:58
London
Woke up on my right side, with my eyes looking directly at the picture of the Taj Mahal on the upper right-hand side of the wall. The second thing I looked at, which is now intentional, was the sign of the Tughra, with Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem written on it.
Had slept in a white bed last night, with white bedsheets. Everything looked tidy when I woke up. Picked up the phone on my right. Usually, I would go straight to reading a page of the Quran, but there was something new on my phone. There was a text from my brother, although I wasn’t sure what it said because I had only caught a quick glimpse of the notification. I still went ahead and read a rukūʿ of Surah Baqarah before opening my brother’s message.
It said, “Hafeez Chachu has passed away.”
Our dear uncle, Dad’s cousin, had passed away.
I wrote back, “Assalamualaikum, Bhayya” (brother), followed by Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rājiʿūn — “Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”
He said that Dad and he had gone in the morning and had just returned home. They would go again later that evening, all of them together, and the funeral would take place after Asr.
I opened the camera feed of my parents’ living room and saw Dad sitting at the table. My brother was there too, and Mother was standing around, trying to work out how he must have passed away. She was wondering whether it might have been related to his previous medical history, but apparently, it was a heart attack. They were waiting for my sister, Deedi, to get home so that they could all go together.
I told my brother that I wished I were there with them.
My dear, loving uncle. He was Dad’s cousin, but he was a regular visitor when we were growing up. He would sometimes come and stay with us for three or four days at a time, simply spending time with us, eating, talking and being with Dad. Sometimes, he would bring his wife, our aunt, along too.
They were both such beautiful, good-looking people. He was a little short, although still taller than some, with very fair skin and a beautifully shaped face. His wife was just as beautiful. They both always looked like dolls, and that was the nickname the whole family gave them.
He was in-laws… and sometimes, his son, our cousin brother, would come and stay with us for the entire summer holidays.
His dad — my dad’s dad’s brother, our grandfather’s brother — is over 90 and is still here. And today, his son departed this world from that very same house.
My heart goes out to our grandfather, Dadda, who had to say goodbye to his son.
Most of my day was spent thinking about family, childhood and simply feeling sorry for myself for not being there with everyone.
Anyway, I got out of bed in the morning, sat on the floor in the lotus position and meditated for 40 repetitions of Surah Al-Fatiha. Made a cup of coffee, sat at the desk and logged in to work.
Just sat at the desk and worked throughout the whole morning without anything playing in the background — no music, no news, nothing.
Around 11 o’clock, it started raining. It rained throughout the morning and afternoon until about 3 PM. It was a steady, heavy-looking rain, falling slowly throughout the day, and the weather was still pretty mild.
Broke for lunch around 13:15, made a banana sandwich and ate it at the desk. My mind felt pretty disturbed today because I wasn’t there with the rest of the family or at the funeral. All I can do from here, from so far away, is pray and work on myself. That is the only thing I should be doing now.
Sat at the desk for the rest of the day, working, reading and writing, but barely moving from my seat. Stayed there until 18:00, then recited the tasbih of Rabbi innī limā anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqīr 200 times.
I suddenly felt pretty, pretty, pretty sleepy, so I took a nap at 18:25, setting an alarm for 20 minutes. Woke up to the alarm around 18:50, turned it off and went back to bed.
At 19:10, I got a call from Mother. She was heading to bed and just wanted to have a quick chat with me. She told me about how the funeral had gone, and we spoke briefly. We wished each other goodnight, and she went to bed.
The rain had stopped, and the sky had cleared up by then. I left home around 19:50. I simply didn’t feel like staying at home, so I decided to go to the gym for a quick workout.
I was just about to reach the gym when my sister phoned. She was also getting ready for bed and wanted to check on me quickly. I told her that I didn’t feel like staying at home, so I had gone out and was on my way to the gym. I also told her that, on my way back, I would pick up daal and aata for dinner because that was what I felt like eating.
Got into the gym at 20:10 and got on the rowing machine. For the next 80 minutes, I rowed while counting 1,000 repetitions of Astaghfirullāhal-ladhī lā ilāha illā Huwa al-Hayyul-Qayyūm.
I said to myself that, although I wasn’t there for Uncle’s funeral, I would recite Astaghfirullah 1,000 times and pray for him and his family.
And so I did.
It gave me a sense of solace.
Returned home around 21:30, stopping by Sainsbury’s on the way. Made dinner at home – roti and daal – and ate while watching some rubbish on the telly. Now sitting down to write before heading to bed.
If nothing else, I read Astaghfirullah 1,000 times, made prayers for the family, spent 80 minutes on the rowing machine, prepared a decent dinner and ate well.
I can go to bed peacefully.
Human beings come into this world connected to one another – as uncles, brothers, sons and cousins. What do we leave behind through these relationships? Nothing but memories. And it is those memories that stay with our loved ones.
3 things I felt grateful for today –
So grateful that Mother phoned me before going to bed, and then my sister phoned me before going to bed too. They both knew I was mourning here alone while everyone else was together, and they thought of me and took the time to check on me.
So grateful for the good workout this evening. It was my way of releasing the emotions I was carrying.
So grateful that I poured out my feelings onto this paper and can now go to bed peacefully.
What would it take for me – and for you – to wake up 10 times bigger, thicker, leaner, stronger, more muscular, more energetic, more confident, happier and more grateful, to wake up early, feel good, speak with Dad in the morning, then sit down and finish some studying, then have a workout, get to work on time, have everything be okay with family, friends and everyone around us, and then have a relaxing, relaxing, relaxing, yet productive day tomorrow?
Goodnight, good luck!
Ash Khaleem